Saturday morning, oh wait, Wednesday morning before Thanksgiving. I awake to find my home asleep as it is only 5:00 AM. I turn on the Christmas lights, make a cup of coffee and grab my book. Self-care is the focus for any break. I pick up my devotional to read, "When your mind is thanking me, you have no time for worrying or complaining." So I open the bible and reflect on this quote.
Sometimes you have to go a little deeper. In reading the entire passage there is this phrase that pops. You know, the one you listen for while sitting by Christmas lights and enjoying a warm cup of coffee. "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing" 1Thessalonians 5:11.
Last week our cups were empty. Well, let me share my cup was empty. I didn't think I could give one more ounce of compassion as my heart was breaking but the days continued. Compassion fatigue, that's where many educators are sitting this morning. It's the simple "cost of caring." The burdens are heavy in a normal school year but we are far from normal. We are in the middle of a pandemic and our teachers have their personal lives, the students lives, and their work lives to deal with on a daily basis. The cost of caring is high. As you read this, my educator friends, how many of these indicators are you feeling? (taken from Supporting the Wounded Educator, Hendershott & Hendershott, 2020)
physically or mentally/emotionally tired
overwhelmed by student needs
overwhelmed by ordinary tasks
withdrawing or isolating
irritability over "small stuff"
pessimistic or cynical outlook regarding self, others, and/or situations
feelings of helplessness and hopelessness
blaming and/or complaining becomes the substance of most conversations
disrupted sleep
abusing drugs, alcohol, or food
difficulty concentrating
a sense of dread or anxiety
increased absences or chronically late to work
inability to maintain balance of empathy and objectivity
expressions of low self-esteem and low self-worth
Just sit with that for a minute. Pause and reflect on where you are with your current mental health.
Trauma, past and present, has to have coping mechanisms. Humans are social and during a pandemic when we are asked to isolate, away from family and friends but continue to work with and around our students and peers, we find ourselves caught in the middle. I for one am really struggling with the relational loss. I have not seen my family since last February. We zoom and try to stay connected but because of the decision to quarantine or work we are stuck. Personal trauma, well maybe not trauma, but loss or a sense of grief. I miss them. I miss the hugs and the laughter. I feed off relationships and love and feel like part of me and especially my kids are grieving. That comes out in many ways; anger, fear, depression, confusion, and questioning reality. We are here though and so the one thing I'm reminded of this morning is God's will.
Today I surrender all of it. Self-care is a trendy way to say; sharpen that saw of faith! Who do you turn to when you have compassion fatigue? When work is too much? When isolation seems to be answer.
There is this vision of how to move forward, in each of us. Today, I am reflecting as a leader, daughter, wife, mother, and friend. In every moment is a chance to be thankful. To chose to see the good and find the peace. Even during a pandemic with loss and struggle there is good. I hope you educators do have time to sit and be still. Listen for His voice and surrender your thoughts.
As we prepare for Thanksgiving, I am sending all my educator friends love and peace. Thank you for showing up. Thank you for caring. Thank you for going the extra mile. Thank you for giving yourself beyond what you thought you could give. Thank you for trusting your admins as we lead beside you. Thank you for doing what's right even when it's so hard. Thank you.
I pray you all have a blessed break with time to reflect on all the things you have to be thankful for.
Why am I here? Literally, why am I in a leadership position during a pandemic? What's happening in front of me that is screaming God put me here?
A little girl named Naomi.
I received a call shortly after I accepted the position at Charles that there was a family that needed to sit down and explain their daughter's story. The story of a beautiful soul with an inoperable brain tumor entering kindergarten. It was like God said here, you just lived it with your dad and I have your next assignment. I sat across from an old orchestra friend from high school and his lovely wife. I listened to their story so far and what could come. I heard the fear but more importantly I saw the faith. They outwardly sang God's praises and I knew why I was placed in that moment.
Over that past five years, I have watched Nani grow into this confident 4th grader. Together, we have tackled many scans, many learning difficulties from treatment, and anxieties. This past week we talked about all the good. The fact that she is on grade level in reading and she no longer has the anxieties she use to carry. Like any 4th grader, she is coming into her own and finding her independence and her voice. I saw the pride in her parents' eyes as they listened to the successful report her teacher gave. At the end of that meeting, they shared her next scan was the following week and we would be updated as always.
The update brought news that stopped all our hearts for a split second, and then faith kicked in.
I remember when dad would get scans. The urgency to get to the appointment, the wait to get the results and then the follow up conversation. The teams would meet and discuss next steps. They would change treatments and give a new prognosis, none of which we felt was real. We knew God had his timing and was working through him. Dad reached many through his posts. This time of year is difficult because this is when we knew, as a family, there was nothing else they could do. He was fighting to see his last grandchild born and holding on for us. Our last Thanksgiving as a family was spent at my aunt Julie's without my mom and dad. We all stopped by to visit but we all knew what we didn't want to say. God was calling him home sooner rather than later.
Let's jump to a training I had this week. One that discussed my leadership style; the Reflective/Sympathetic Leader that understands relationships and the student is the heart of everything. One that puts belief and faith in people and chooses to see the good. One that may not like conflict but will restore and provide ways to influence those around through the trust that is built. Servant leadership at the core of everything.
Why am I here? The students. The stories. The love of building relationships during the hardest moments in life and showing love to those in those moments. It's the pandemic of 2020 and we are all in those moments everyday. This week I had to take a breath when I read Nani's update. I was on my way to a meeting and I remember praying in my car at Starr just like I did when mom called me to update us on one of dad's scans. This is the reason why I'm here; to support my kids that are fighting for more than just showing up. They all have a story. They all have the opportunity to feel loved and valued at school. That is my why.
Do I love protocols, timelines, schedules, high expectations, follow through, effective communication....of course. All of those are encompassed in this leadership style, but that would require you to know me more than a blog post! We all have our stories, take a listen and learn from one another, then spread the love! As for Nani's family, I am sending you my daily prayers and love as you move through the next few days and put your confidence in your team. Together we will face the next steps and continue her love of life!
Just Love,
Kirsten
*Shared with permission from Nani's parents.*
Thank you to Jan Frye for the great song share this week. Everything happens in His time and this song had impeccable timing.
