Providing Small Temporary Moments of Joy

The pandemic takes many things from us, including joy.  The joy of the Christmas season is lost when family and friends are not able to congregate and share fellowship or is it?  Where does your joy come from?  Presents under the tree?  Giving to others?  Rest and relaxation?  These temporary pleasures have limits but are still shared as part of our joy.  We must remember that He, the Maker, is the ultimate goal to quench our thirst for a joyful soul.  So how does this link to leadership?

Love is at the heart of everything I do as a leader.  This is a repetitive mantra, I'm sure you're very well aware of, if you read this blog.  The Friday before we left for break, I was able to see and feel joy.  Leading during a pandemic makes you aware of all the protocols and barriers to building a safe community.  For a moment, the students and staff were presented a moment to forget.  We still sat in our cohorts and wore our masks but for just a moment, we felt the fruit of the spirit.  I  heard kids saying, "this is the best day of my life,"  "we have to do this every year," and " this was so amazing!"  Temporary joy but joy none the less.  I could have ignored that text from our PTO, asking to bring a train to school.  I could have stated all the reasons why we shouldn't but instead we made it happen.  Why?  JOY.

Retail Christmas is where many of my joyous memories come from.  Working alongside many fellow friends during the busiest time of year.  Endless Christmas music playing over the PA, gift wrapping, credit card openings, and the last minute shoppers all had one thing in common; giving to others to bring joy to the holidays, no matter the backlash of bills.  I never understood until I had kids of my own; the kind of joy it brings to watch their eyes on Christmas morning.  I remember dad walking the aisles and occasionally sitting at the Clinique counter to talk to me.  He'd ask me how my numbers looked and would urge me to open another charge.  Through the season, he also made sure everyone knew how much he appreciated them.  Gift exchanges, secret Santa, pitch ins, and all other kinds of incentives to keep the joy during a very stressful season.  I always remember my mom wondering why he let everyone else off early on Christmas eve and he stayed behind.  That's what you do as a leader, you always look out for your people.  

So while heaven is our ultimate goal, take time to create joy around you.  You have an opportunity every day and in every moment to spread love and joy. Our reaction is just that, our reaction.  If we choose to be the light, fill the room with joy, and seek peace we become the provider of those small temporary moments.  I'm working on a staff development when we return and I want to leave you with this:

What will your friends and family say about you on your 80th birthday?  When the presents are shared and the candles are lit, what is it you hope to be remembered by? This post is the beginning of a new semester, a new season, a moment to reflect and be the person you want to be, even during a pandemic.  You can be the one responsible for joy in your home or school.  Take the time you need to reset, rest and digest, and fill your cup.  When we return, we will begin with this discussion, and so I challenge you to think about what others would say about you. Do you spread joy? 

I wish each of you a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.

Just Love,

Kirsten

Here's a little tune that fills my cup and reminds me of Christmas. 

I Surrender

 Saturday morning, oh wait, Wednesday morning before Thanksgiving.  I awake to find my home asleep as it is only 5:00 AM.  I turn on the Christmas lights, make a cup of coffee and grab my book.  Self-care is the focus for any break.  I pick up my devotional to read, "When your mind is thanking me, you have no time for worrying or complaining." So I open the bible and reflect on this quote.  

Sometimes you have to go a little deeper.  In reading the entire passage there is this phrase that pops.  You know, the one you listen for while sitting by Christmas lights and enjoying a warm cup of coffee.  "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing" 1Thessalonians 5:11.

Last week our cups were empty.  Well, let me share my cup was empty.  I didn't think I could give one more ounce of compassion as my heart was breaking but the days continued.  Compassion fatigue, that's where many educators are sitting this morning. It's the simple "cost of caring."  The burdens are heavy in a normal school year but we are far from normal.  We are in the middle of a pandemic and our teachers have their personal lives, the students lives, and their work lives to deal with on a daily basis.  The cost of caring is high. As you read this, my educator friends, how many of these indicators are you feeling? (taken from Supporting the Wounded Educator, Hendershott & Hendershott, 2020)

• physically or mentally/emotionally tired
• overwhelmed by student needs
• overwhelmed by ordinary tasks
• withdrawing or isolating
• irritability over "small stuff"
• pessimistic or cynical outlook regarding self, others, and/or situations
• feelings of helplessness and hopelessness
• blaming and/or complaining becomes the substance of most conversations
• disrupted sleep
• abusing drugs, alcohol, or food
• difficulty concentrating
• a sense of dread or anxiety
• increased absences or chronically late to work
• inability to maintain balance of empathy and objectivity
• expressions of low self-esteem and low self-worth

Just sit with that for a minute.  Pause and reflect on where you are with your current mental health.

Trauma, past and present, has to have coping mechanisms.  Humans are social and during a pandemic when we are asked to isolate, away from family and friends but continue to work with and around our students and peers, we find ourselves caught in the middle.  I for one am really struggling with the relational loss.  I have not seen my family since last February.  We zoom and try to stay connected but because of the decision to quarantine or work we are stuck.  Personal trauma, well maybe not trauma, but loss or a sense of grief.  I miss them.  I miss the hugs and the laughter.  I feed off relationships and love and feel like part of me and especially my kids are grieving.  That comes out in many ways; anger, fear, depression, confusion, and questioning reality.  We are here though and so the one thing I'm reminded of this morning is God's will.    

Today I surrender all of it.  Self-care is a trendy way to say; sharpen that saw of faith!  Who do you turn to when you have compassion fatigue?  When work is too much?  When isolation seems to be answer.  

There is this vision of how to move forward, in each of us.  Today, I am reflecting as a leader, daughter, wife, mother, and friend.  In every moment is a chance to be thankful.  To chose to see the good and find the peace.  Even during a pandemic with loss and struggle there is good.  I hope you educators do have time to sit and be still.  Listen for His voice and surrender your thoughts.  

As we prepare for Thanksgiving, I am sending all my educator friends love and peace.  Thank you for showing up.  Thank you for caring.  Thank you for going the extra mile.  Thank you for giving yourself beyond what you thought you could give.  Thank you for trusting your admins as we lead beside you.  Thank you for doing what's right even when it's so hard.  Thank you.

I pray you all have a blessed break with time to reflect on all the things you have to be thankful for.  

Just Love,

Kirsten

The Path Before Me

 Why am I here?  Literally, why am I in a leadership position during a pandemic?  What's happening in front of me that is screaming God put me here?

A little girl named Naomi.

I received a call shortly after I accepted the position at Charles that there was a family that needed to sit down and explain their daughter's story.  The story of a beautiful soul with an inoperable brain tumor entering kindergarten.  It was like God said here, you just lived it with your dad and I have your next assignment.  I sat across from an old orchestra friend from high school and his lovely wife.  I listened to their story so far and what could come.  I heard the fear but more importantly I saw the faith.  They outwardly sang God's praises and I knew why I was placed in that moment.  

Over that past five years, I have watched Nani grow into this confident 4th grader.  Together, we have tackled many scans, many learning difficulties from treatment, and anxieties.  This past week we talked about all the good.  The fact that she is on grade level in reading and she no longer has the anxieties she use to carry.  Like any 4th grader, she is coming into her own and finding her independence and her voice.  I saw the pride in her parents' eyes as they listened to the successful report her teacher gave.  At the end of that meeting, they shared her next scan was the following week and we would be updated as always.

The update brought news that stopped all our hearts for a split second, and then faith kicked in.  

I remember when dad would get scans.  The urgency to get to the appointment, the wait to get the results and then the follow up conversation.  The teams would meet and discuss next steps.  They would change treatments and give a new prognosis, none of which we felt was real.  We knew God had his timing and was working through him.   Dad reached many through his posts.  This time of year is difficult because this is when we knew, as a family, there was nothing else they could do.  He was fighting to see his last grandchild born and holding on for us. Our last Thanksgiving as a family was spent at my aunt Julie's without my mom and dad.  We all stopped by to visit but we all knew what we didn't want to say.  God was calling him home sooner rather than later.  

Let's jump to a training I had this week.  One that discussed my leadership style; the Reflective/Sympathetic Leader that understands relationships and the student is the heart of everything.  One that puts belief and faith in people and chooses to see the good.  One that may not like conflict but will restore and provide ways to influence those around through the trust that is built. Servant leadership at the core of everything.

Why am I here? The students.  The stories.  The love of building relationships during the hardest moments in life and showing love to those in those moments.  It's the pandemic of 2020 and we are all in those moments everyday.  This week I had to take a breath when I read Nani's update.  I was on my way to a meeting and I remember praying in my car at Starr just like I did when mom called me to update us on one of dad's scans.  This is the reason why I'm here; to support my kids that are fighting for more than just showing up.  They all have a story.  They all have the opportunity to feel loved and valued at school.  That is my why.  

Do I love protocols, timelines, schedules, high expectations, follow through, effective communication....of course.  All of those are encompassed in this leadership style, but that would require you to know me more than a blog post!  We all have our stories, take a listen and learn from one another, then spread the love! As for Nani's family, I am sending you my daily prayers and love as you move through the next few days and put your confidence in your team.  Together we will face the next steps and continue her love of life!

Just Love, 

Kirsten

*Shared with permission from Nani's parents.*

Thank you to Jan Frye for the great song share this week.   Everything happens in His time and this song had impeccable timing. 

Leading Leaders

 During the month of October, it’s time to reflect on leaders that are leading other leaders. All along this leadership path, there have been amazing people that have taken the time to ensure I have whatever I needed to lead.  It’s not easy to lead leaders. So who are these amazing people that I have to thank for molding me into the ever-growing leader that I am becoming? Let’s start at the beginning…

My parents:

I did say start at the beginning, right? I have to undoubtedly thank my parents for providing everything that I needed growing up including time management skills, good work ethic, empathy, compassion and a strong belief in faith and forgiveness. I look at my daughter’s schedule and I try to reflect on what I did when I was in high school. If I was not playing sports I was working. I didn’t get in trouble and I followed a career pathway because I was provided with what I needed at that moment. I was also taught to take ownership of my mistakes and to forgive and learn from betrayal/distrust. To this day, I do not hold grudges, I look at mistakes as opportunities to grow, and lead with love with both adults and children. Thank you mom and dad!

Tammy Rhoades:

 Tammy took a chance and hired me for RCS. She was my first principal and provided effective criticism to a young and lost teacher.  I watched her hold everyone accountable and advocate for ethical policies that created a culture of fairness and high expectations. Tammy not only started the process but took me in as a principal.  She asked the hard questions.  She put me in my place when needed and included me in what has been the strongest peer group to date.  Tammy's leadership is one I look to in tough situations and still rely on for daily decision making.  Thank you Tammy for hiring me and then teaching me leadership qualities that I will use my entire career. 

Jennifer O’Brien:

Jennifer came in as a first year principal to a failing school.  She flipped a culture in a year. I watched her build a strong team that believed we could hold students to high expectations through data analysis. Under Jennifer's leadership, she implemented LEAP time for Fairview and with this change in practice, we had one of the highest test scores in the district. She saw something in me and provided leadership opportunities that helped develop my love for leading adults. Jennifer was the one that said go do it.  I left the classroom for elearning and then she said go again!  Sitting across the table from her to interview for principal was a blessing she initiated as a building level leader.  She is the reason I look for strengths in each teacher and encourage them to go and find their passion.  Thank you Jennifer for believing in me and your continued leadership.  I am very proud of your passion for our district and what you have accomplished!

Karrianne Polk-Meek:

My human....wait those would be her words.  In this crazy profession, you must find the people that will support, encourage but also push you in the most difficult times.  When I first met Karri, I was an elearning specialist trying to balance working with teachers and principals.  Karri was quick to make a connection and then handed me a book.  In typical Karri form, I'm sure this was a test to see if I was capable of having an intellectual conversation with her. I must have passed the test because along the way I remember her pulling me into her office and telling me we were going to be friends.  She saw the path in front of me before I did.  As my mentor, she spent hours in developing me and putting up with my emotional roller coaster of a first year.  Not only did a mutual professional relationship develop but also a bond like no other.  We have many differing opinions on many different fronts, but we know our parameters as friends and as leaders.  Karri, you have taught me more than what I can write in a paragraph but just know your friendship has lead me through the darkest times of this leadership journey!

Elizabeth Markward:

I've known Liz since high school but as educators, we didn't become close until I joined her on the admin team.  Liz's strengths were my biggest opportunities of growth.  I learned very quickly to play off the skills of the team from Liz.  She would jump in and say, let me do that.  She knows her strong skill set and she shares it with the team.  She models how to be part of a team and makes sure everyone feels involved and has a role.  She reminds me to be firm and follow through.  Her organization is like no other and I appreciate her thorough knowledge of special ed law.  Liz, thank you not only for your leadership but also your friendship.  I've loved the past 5 years and becoming closer.  You have been a great mentor and friend.

Dr. Corey Hartley:

Dr. Hartley was my first district leader that guided me as I developed into the role of principal. Dr. Hartley, yes I will always call him Dr. Hartley, was able to lead by modeling.  He took things he had passion for, like self-efficacy and teaching students in poverty, and created interest in learning more.  He never pushed agendas on us or demanded we lead our staff as he would.  He put things in front of us and kept them there.  It was our job, as leaders, to grow and learn from these opportunities.  My growth over the past four years has come from his leadership style.  I appreciated not being micro-managed and trusted to do the right things but also being held accountable to his high standards. His ability to discuss pedagogy and urgency with teachers and then watch him turn the decision making over to them for ownership builds a culture of trust and accountability.  Dr. Hartley, thank you for modeling your leadership for our district along with the connections you made with both adults and students.  I admire your compassion and wisdom to our profession. 

IPLI Peers:

Jumping into IPLI, during my second year as an admin, I quickly knew I was with some amazing people that I didn't feel worthy to be around.  I listened and watched them interact.  Then, when I became comfortable, I jumped into the conversation.  I learned more in my 2 years from my cohort than I did from any admin class.  Our shared drive quickly filled with many things that I can reference to this day.  A professional organization was something I didn't know I needed until I jumped in.  Thank you Jami, Jered, Jessica, Karri, and Lynlie for your collaboration and support!

My Current Peer Group:

As you look at the picture below you will notice people come and go.  The turn-over rate in administration is not something I expected until I started.  The one thing I've learned through this entire reflection is we have to do it together.  Collectively, we are a powerful resource and we have to make time to talk to one another.  There are great things happening in each of your buildings and I love watching each of you grow. The one thing that I crave is feedback.  I invite any of you for instructional rounds because I desperately want to learn from you and with you.  Each of you impact my leadership in a different way and I want to say thank you.  Thank you RCS for growing me from a second grader to a fifth year admin.  We R Richmond!

I find most of my time is dedicated to teachers.  Today, I took a few moments of reflection to thank those that have instilled these small moments in my own leadership.  They have no clue I'm writing this and most, if not all, will not like the attention.  As servant leaders, we are not use to or expect recognition for what we do.  Today, I say thank you to all those that are leading.  Thank you for being brave enough to put yourself out there and lead leaders!

Just LOVE,

Kirsten

The Quiet Time

1:00 AM: here I am again.  I haven't had one of these wake ups for awhile but I know what happens when I do.  Racing heart, dizzy, thoughts spinning of why I feel out of control, and a calm husband that reminds me to breathe.  As he then returns to sleep, I get to stay here in my thoughts for a bit.  Writing, listening, praying, waiting, checking, breathing, waiting, checking...it's a routine I put myself in so I can be in control.  So I can ignore the thoughts and control the racing heart rate.  Checking, writing, checking, and sure enough as I become distracted everything falls back into place.  Sometimes it's thirty minutes, sometimes it's a few days but what I know is I am absolutely kidding myself if I ever think it's me controlling all of this. I've put a lot of work in over the years to manage anxiety instead of letting it manage me.  Times right now are different and it's becoming a new routine for many who are missing their schedules, control, and struggling with faith over fear.

So our new normal is what so many are writing about.  The benefits of the quarantine for families, the world, and how we will come out of this stronger than before.  My normal is currently planning, daily, of what we can do to help our teachers and youth move through this time.  I've seen how my own children have been affected and I can only imagine how some of our kids are managing.  The anxiety comes from processing it all and that doesn't even include the virus.  One that I will not fear.    

"I will not be overcome, through the valley of the shadows, I will not fear." I have seen people allow this virus control every action.  Fear does that to us and the media amplifies all of it.  I wonder if we didn't have social media or news how fearful we would be during this time?  I wonder if we are walking away from our faith that drives our daily lives and allowing fear to control all of our reactions.  I wonder if it will ever get better.

"I will lift my eyes to the maker of the mountains I can't climb."  This is one that I refuse to climb, it's out of my hands.  I will rest easy in His protection and healing and I will focus on "what I can control."  I can help and that's how I find peace. 

Dad's fight was one I learned from and until now I often thought I understood.  My sense of calm around this time has come from his story.  My mom has often told me to look at how strong he was, never doubting and always pouring out praise.  My dad wasn't an outward Christian until his diagnosis.  I saw his faith grow and not waiver until his last breath, with strength that came from above.   He must be standing next to me now.  I may have a night like this every now and then but it's my  way of reflecting on what's important, how I am not in control at all, and to share His grace and love to those that need it.  I extend an offer to help and that's where I rest in peace.  I wonder how dad would have led through this, where he would even be working and the struggles that he would endure with retail.  Look for the helper, that was my dad.  He always problem solved and gave feedback to help increase capacity in every employee, whether it was personal or business related.

                                               

So there are these nights every now and then when I write.  Maybe I'll post and maybe I won't but the outlet is one I encourage you to try.  I may not write music like dad, but words do flow when the thoughts are racing.  Every one of our students will be getting a journal in their summer bag.  I am encouraging them to use writing and drawing as a source of peace.  It's not for everyone, I get it, but if we can reach a few to help sort out the unknown feelings then we are making progress.

The checking has stopped, the peace has returned and my focus is on His impact in my life.  The verse of the day is always perfect timing.  I'll leave you with the end of the Psalm:

7The Lord keeps you from all harm

and watches over your life.

8The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go,

both now and forever.

Prayers for our World, that we all may see His hand in our daily lives and the power of His healing.  Sending peace and love to all of you friends!

Just Love,

Kirsten