Productive Struggle

“Trust the process.” A quote Scott tells me many times as we discuss our daughter’s journey with sports.  It’s not about being the best, right now, it’s about the growth.  “Stay the course.” Something my director tells me all the time; it’s not about today, it’s about the growth over time.  Same is true when it comes to my physical activity, mental health, faith, and leadership; there are highs and lows.  That’s what this life is all about right?  The journey?

Productive struggle has been the term I’ve used multiple times in conversations over the past few months.  There was a comment that hit me hard before our fall break at school, “You seemed to have checked out.”  Bam! Sucker punch to the stomach of a servant leader.  Instant failure turned reflection in a moment.  So, I went back and read Fullan.  Why had my leadership changed in the perspective of one of my staff members?  Is this the perspective of many or just a few.  I could feel myself under distress but why? There is always a price to pay in servant leadership, but from experience the benefits are enduring. 

Pitching has to be one of the most stressful positions on a team.  All eyes are on you every play and the expectation is to hit your spot, every time.  When learning new pitches, there has to be trial and error and the only time that opportunity presents itself is on the mound, during a game.  You put the work in at practice, you trust the coach and refinements, and then you try your best during the game.  Sometimes you are allowed to throw through the struggle and sometimes you’re pulled to save the game.  Gut punch, to the stomach, when you’re taken out in front of everyone and realize your mistakes.  What do you do next?  Trust the process.  Go back to your coach, learn from the mistakes, refine your skills, throw, throw, and throw some more and realize it’s not about being the best; it’s about being better than yesterday.  Trust the process, persevere during the productive struggle and then endure the benefits.  Get the win.

Addie pitching for Richmond Jazz 07

As I read through my notes from Fullan, I found this; discontent is seen as a potential source of new ideas and break throughs.  The absence of conflict could be a sign of decay.  So, are we in the middle of productive struggle where perseverance will outlast the persecution? How do I maintain a culture where sharing struggles and celebrating success in risk taking becomes the norm?  How do I ensure our risks and attempts at risks are free of judgment and full of support?  Stay the course.  Coaching cycles have been offered and set to support teachers.  PD has been designed to push us into this productive struggle and to move.  We cannot stand idle and continue to do things how we have always done them.  This year of my leadership has been the largest shift in asking teachers to change their practice.  With that comes the discontent.  We are moving therefore we are questioning our own practices and becoming reflective.  Gut punch, discontent, blame, stress, anxiety, loss of trust…

So what do we do when we come to the realization that we are not ok?  We talk about self-care.  It must be that we are taking care of everyone else and allowing our own needs to fall off.  I’ve struggled with this for many years as a leader.  I don’t know that I would call it a struggle but more of a healer.   When I began this journey, I had just lost my dad.  Jumping into something new and focusing on everyone else made it easy to put the grieving aside.  If my focus could maintain on everyone else’s needs, then I wouldn’t have time to let my feelings creep in.  Fast forward 3 years, when the quiet times in your mid begin to increase because the day in and day out of this job becomes routine and fluid.  Self-care, let things go, hit the pause button, are all suggestions I’ve been given to deal with these emotions that come with leading a building and still grieving.  This post-secondary trauma people talk about is real and needs to be dealt with correctly.  So how?  In all things that I’ve read, prayed about, searched for, and asked others is the one thing no one ever says…it’s about putting total trust in Jesus, the ability to give it all to Him.  

In quietness and trust is Your strength; not self-care but consolation.  During anxious moments, we turn inward and look at ourselves and the problem.  We must not condemn ourselves when we hit hard times, but thank God instead.  God gives us empathy, help, compassion, comfort, relief, encouragement, reassurance, help or consolation during these times. When we step away from God is when we open the door to feel the discomfort of anxiety.  Maybe what has been missing in the process or the course, this whole time, is the ability to see/feel the blessings.  When we focus on the problem, the struggle and discontent,  we don’t see the blessing in the middle of the storm and we continue to struggle. 

It’s the small moments, the little wins: the drop ball that finally hits the spot, the responsive lesson that deviated from the given, and the realization that any day can be a good day because of God’s presence.  All things are gifts from God: health, family, talent, leadership, friendship, peace….even the process and course.  The process and course have been laid for us, it is our daily commitment to see His will in our day and to be thankful for what we have been given.  We must reflect on our choices, thoughts, and actions and determine if we are living for Him or for our own intentions.  I allowed my course to be rerouted and I’m working on it.  I will stay the course and trust the process because it is His.

As we move into a month filled with gratitude, I challenge you to begin journaling what you are thankful for every day.  Try to find 3 new things, every day, to be thankful for and give Him praise.  What’s on your course?  Are you in the middle of a process that seems to be failing?  Find the little wins and celebrate them and walk away from that negative self-talk that can fill your mind.  I’ll be praying with you my friends! 

One of my favorites from mass and a good reminder.



May you appreciate life, find peace, and Just Love!

Kirsten


Verses for this blog:

"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.”  Psalm 103:1-5

When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy. Psalm 94: 18-19

Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, Lord. They rejoice in your name all day long; they celebrate your righteousness.  Psalm 89: 15-16

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phillipians 4: 6-7
16 

Keeping Hope

As Holy Week begins, we hear the Passion and are reminded of the dark before the light.  Palm Sunday brings the prophet's declaration of a humble king, arriving on a donkey in Jerusalem, and crucified by Friday.  It is a time to reflect and bring focus to our Christian faith and to live and breathe hope.  Hope is an optimistic attitude that good will come out of the most difficult times.  Something our faith teaches us and the promise He gives us.  Because of this week, we know that we will reach our home in His timing: not one moment too soon or too late. "Let the hope of heaven encourage you as you walk along the path of Life with Me"  (Young, pg. 109).

What happens when you lose hope and challenge your faith?  Anxiety, fear, physical illness, worry, over-thinking and depression to just name a few.  There are these times in our lives where we try to make things right, how we feel they should be, and look more to the flesh-self instead of the God-self.  When we allow our problems to dictate our day and don't listen to His gentle reminders, we spiral out of control.  Losing all hope and questioning our existence and purpose becomes the norm instead of peace and joy.  We lose our balance.

April 14th-Welcome to our schools with only a few weeks to go but such high-stake assessments drawing near.  We find our students more eager to be outside and itching for summer break.  Teachers, with all their daily responsibilities, are now dealt with standardized testing, evaluations, end of year testing, schedule changes, and maintaining "normal" functioning as students are revved up for the end of the year.  Our balance is lost, our hope is struggling, and we begin to feel the impact of stress.  Our patience is a little shorter, our smiles are more forced, and we are tired.  Here is where our faith must carry us.  Our hope and faith that we must always live in the moment, only manage what we can in that moment, and know we must always do what's best for kids in those moments.

If we look around, signs of heaven are everywhere.  If we can find our balance in living by faith, we freely see these signs.  When we are focused on doing things for our flesh-self, we miss out on opportunities to experience peace and joy.  We close our door to hope.  We look for a quick fix to help us get through the moment and sometimes that means we don't do what's best for kids or ourselves.  We stop looking for Him and begin living to just make it through the day.

I've been there for some time now.  After dad died, I saw and felt signs all the time.  I felt him with me and the strength I had to begin school for my admin license, take on a principal's job, all while having a newborn.  I became busy.  I put my flesh-self first and did what I thought was best for my family.  I pushed my limits, celebrated my accomplishments, and jumped into everything I could to be the best principal, best wife, and best mother.  I lost myself in doing all these things I thought were helping me.  I stopped seeing signs and wondered what I had done wrong for the silence from above.  I live my faith outwardly but struggle with inner peace.  That's when I realized the balance was lost.

Today would have been my dad's 64th birthday. This week, a red bird has been visiting our tree outside our picture window.  I tell the kids it's Jesus' bird and papaw Ted checking on them.  In my heart I know it's my sign to continue diving into scripture and breaking the cycle of "fixing" my flesh-side.  My path is already created and I must live the way He teaches us, through faith and hope.  Realizing that because I was busy, I still have work to do to strengthen my faith and find His peace.

 

As a servant leader, I must be aware that many of my staff, students, and peers are in the same place and cycle through balance and stress.  Helping them focus on the challenges ahead with hope of a positive outcome will be my objective the next 6 weeks. Maintaining the best balance I can, to be good for those I serve, is a priority.  I will hold tight to my friends that listen and direct me back to His promise.  I will pray for the light of His hope and promise to come into their hearts and that they may find peace in each moment.  I will continue to allow my strength of belief, in every situation, to guide my decisions and actions.  As I reflect during this Holy Week, I put faith in the resurrection and am reminded that His will be done. 

I am here for all of you, just reach out!  Interested in an online prayer group?  I've missed the connection I had with my former prayer warriors and would love to begin a new group.  Fellowship is my current priority and look forward to sharing scripture and prayer requests with all of you.  PM me on Facebook and we will brainstorm how we can support each other. 

Just Love,

Kirsten

Happy Birthday Dad!

EB retirement party in 2013

Fruits of the Spirit- Gentleness

Appreciate life, peace, just love. The words my dad used after every post on Facebook during his 3 year journey with brain cancer.  I write about it often, carrying it on as he asked during our lunchtime conversations. For many, this time; knowing your fate of terminal illness and the anxiety that comes with that, would break us emotionally. After the initial diagnosis, I never saw my dad waiver from God’s love and promise.  The relationship that blossomed during this time was beautiful, contagious, infectious, and timely.

I recently listened to the gift He gave me before dad transitioned home, a recorded conversation we had one morning. He spoke of how proud he was that I was there, helping mom, and being strong during this time.  How I was just like him in many ways. There’s not a day I don’t miss him or our daily conversations. I hear him when I speak to my staff and when I discipline my own children.

One thing I hear in his voice, during our conversation, is gentleness. Nothing like I’ve heard from my dad before. The tone was different, as if he was talking from a different place of this heart.  A place I instantly connect to and find comfort in when speaking to kids. The preparation of just the right words during confrontation or anxiety.   Non-judgemental, filled with love, and grace; the Holy Spirit in action.

We all move through cycles of life. Different people come in and out of our lives for different purposes. Dreams and ambitions change as our experiences and opportunities grow. Problems arise and how we deal with them are the teachable moments. This week I’ve found that I must always stop and confront anxiety head on; run not away from it but to God.

I have one more day before my Charles family returns to school. Many will have great stories of joy and love. Others will have experienced fear, sickness, sorrow, trauma, and even death. I pray all of us can use the same gentleness in our tone and responses as we listen to each story.  All of our own experiences over break will define how we move forward. As educators, we constantly serve others, which feels like we ignore ourselves. I challenge that thought. Through our service of others we are doing His plan. It is our daily actions that nourish our souls to do better. To be better...something our world desperately needs right now.

Hence the name and purpose of this blog; Just Love What You Do. I enjoy the connections I find to my faith, my dad’s teachings, and this leadership path.  More importantly, I aspire to find the voice of every student and every teacher. This month we are focusing on self- control as a county.  Through self- control, you will also find gentlensss.  How might you model gentleness as we begin a new year? What will you listen for and where will you offer the fruit of the spirit?

As always, I leave you with a song.  I pray your days are filled with peace and love, and that you may  model the fruits of the spirit to those around you.

Just Love,
Kirsten

“Let us be calm and aware of Your presence.
Let us experience the glory of Your goodness.”
~Kari Jobe