The Padded Toilet Seat

 As I walked in the door to begin winter break, Scott drops some bags on the kitchen table.  What?  He's actually been to the store?  Were my first thoughts.  I looked around and he had stocked the water, grabbed some cleaning supplies but the large bag was of interest.  I knew he was fixing the handle on the toilet that broke over the weekend but what was the large item in the bag?  What he pulled out of that bag triggered a few days of memories that have led me to this post:

A padded toilet seat.

He stated Stone had picked it out and wanted to try it.  Of course he did because Stone, little Stone, had never seen or sat on a padded toilet seat.  I myself had only sat on a few padded toilet seats in my lifetime. "Grandma Willine always had a padded toilet seat, a powdered blue one at that!  Did you know they didn't have a shower in the old house?  Well, a conventional shower that I can remember. I always remember taking baths.  They only had the one bathroom upstairs and grandma always had a padded seat.  It felt like luxury as a kid."  The memories poured out of my mouth like I was sitting at that white house on 18th street.  No one in my tiny family of four even knows about the 18th street house.  How the piano sat at the entrance and always had a hymnal ready to be played.  Or the floor TV that could never be turned on in the middle of the night without grandpa hearing and making us return to bed. The favorite story of the blind retracting on it's own, that scared Katie and I to death, that created  story of a lifetime for grandam to tell. The dinging of the gas station bells and sirens of the firetrucks from the station down the street.  Then there was the lava lamp and naked lady light.  How could you ever forget those fixtures that were intriguing yet down right weird? 

Breakfast was always healthy first and hearty second.  Grandpa would insist we drink 8 glasses of water while we were there and he always devoured his grits while we ate grandma's pancakes in a little corner of the kitchen with a circular table.  There was a fine dinning room table but I only remember using it during Christmas and other special events.  Fine china was in the cupboard and the phone was on the wall as you walked into the kitchen; right next to the table that had the police scanner that was always on. The one closet, that contained a few games and toys we could play, also housed my grandpa's shot gun for hunting.  Oh the threats that if we ever touched it made me not even want to open that door.  I think he even barked like a crazy dog if we tried to open that door; maybe even a threat of a wolf bite? But on the other side of that door were memories with my cousin as we spent the weekends together growing up.  There's something about spending the night at your grandparents that makes it special, no matter how boring it was in the moment.

I know that's what I miss the most, the simple boring moments in the eyes of a kid but lay deep in my heart. That toilet seat has set off three days of memories that keep coming up in my dreams.  It's as if grandma is poking me, saying, remember the  moments.  Doesn't that sound familiar!  Oh the moments, especially around Christmas time.  

The Hanging of the Greens

Talk about an annual tradition in the Parker household!  My grandparents attended The First Church of God, the smallest church I have ever been to with no more than 100 people at best.  That was when I was little and these people were old.  I mean old.  Katie and I participated in the choir and played our instruments.  Sometimes our parents would attend but it turned into more of a grandkid-grandparent type of activity.  We would sing songs and listen to the loudest pastor I have ever heard.  He would cry as he preached and then we would sing more.  I always felt it surreal because growing up in the Catholic church, everything is highly predictable and scripted.  This was not, this was in the moment real preaching.  It always sent me away with deeper questioning of my faith and relationship with God.  Ok, that's an entirely different post.

So as the Hanging of the Greens continued, each person would add an ornament to the tree and finish the decorations of the little church.  We then would proceed downstairs, like every Sunday, to a pitch in meal.  These people ate together every chance they could get!  Again, we were the kids and there were not many of us.  We would find ourselves running the basement halls of the Sunday school rooms and then make our way upstairs to pretend preach and baptize each other.  This was the hanging of the greens.  It was a tradition that carried on when we started having our own children.  Grandma was so proud to show off her grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  The last one we attended reminded me of what happens when a congregation is filled with old people; it dies.  There were hardly 30 people there and my heart ached as grandma continued to lose friends.  She was approaching her 90s when we last attended but it didn't feel like she was 90.  She called every weekend and Katie and I intentionally visited with our kids ever so often.  I think it was more for us.  You don't realize the impact grandparents have until they are gone.

Tonight is Christmas eve.  Growing up, that meant we went to the Parkers on 18th street and had a huge dinner, opened gifts, and the adults played cards while the cousins all played with their new toys.  As we grew older, Christmas moved from house to house but many times ended up at Uncle Danny's; right across the street from my grandparents home.  When my grandpa Tony died, I was preparing to marry Scott.  Then Danny passed away unexpectedly, dad got sick and died and then finally grandma.  Traditions change because our lives change.  We get busy or we put our priorities in different rankings as our siblings and cousins.  It's not a malicious change; it's just life.  On top of all these choices we get to make we now have COVID.

This will be the second year our Parker family is not getting together.  It breaks my  heart but we all have different comfort levels of trust.  It breaks my heart for my kids.  Have those strong, healthy, loving memories of family been made?  I wonder what memories have been instilled that they will write about when they get older.  I question every decision as a parent and just pray I make the right one. 

I am saddened that technology has replaced the fun of finding something to do because you're bored.  Those were the moments I remember because we created our own fun.  We created our happiness, our silliness, and we talked about our struggles. (Oh the three way calls with friends when there was a fight!)  Not today.  Kids are never bored, including mine.  They don't have down time unless I force it and then it feels uneasy.  

Poor Stone doesn't even have memories of the squirrel that's always hidden in the Christmas tree at my parents house.  He barely even knows his cousins.  That is what makes me sad.  We all grew up in Richmond, our parents stayed in Richmond, which meant all my cousins were close to do things.  That's not the case anymore.  We are all scattered around.  Before sport schedules ruled our family, we made the trip to Indy all the time.  We had playdates, we went to the movies or park, and we cooked out.  We even had regular Zooms during Covid for a bit. Then it just faded.  The close family that I grew up with seems like a memory.   I know this is the case for many families.  All we want for our children is to do better than we did.  That's the result of success, right?  

So we make the moments count when they occur and we develop friendships with those around us, that make us better, that support us, that love us unconditionally.  We create our own family of friends to replace what we once had.  Their kids become yours and a bond is created that will last a lifetime.

This life continues to change as our world evolves.  Technology has to be the downfall and the future; so we learn to set personal boundaries or we don't.  It is still our choice whether we create opportunities for our kids to have the same kind of memories with our family. For the second year, Covid has altered our Parker Christmas.  We will be dropping gifts off in 60 degree weather; isn't that God reaching out to families like ours!  Luckily, we get to spend Christmas day with the Phillips and eat tacos like we did when I first met Scott.  I'm praying the choices we make now will not taint the memories of the future.  Am I too late?

All I want to do is call my grandma.  She would tell me exactly how it should be and then tell me a story from her past; maybe three times within the same conversation.  I miss those weekly calls.  It's funny what a toilet seat can do, isn't it?  Oh, and that lava lamp...it sits on my piano by the door.

I send my love and peace to you all!  

Have a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Just Love,

Kirsten

 

An Attitude of Gratitude- What you can do as a building level leader

 While living a life of gratitude is a daily mission, the month of November offers an intentional time to pause, reflect and acknowledge those that bring joy, love, and perspective in your life.  As a service leader, it's a great time to have a touch point with each staff member in my building.  It's also a moment for me to reflect on my own attitude, daily conversations, and evaluation of my personal mission; just love.  Am I still modeling my leadership through the lens of love?

Personally, November is a time of deep reflection and emotional connection.  As I've written before, this time of year, in retail, is when consumers can be challenging and eager to move quickly.  I always remember my dad telling me to "always make it right" by the customer.  We work for them, our business depends on their happiness and satisfaction in our delivery of customer service, in order for us to maintain productivity.  It's not that different leading a school...

Teachers are in high demand as the workforce continues to decline due to the ever demanding challenges teachers face.  Sometimes, it's not even the content, tests, or protocols; it's the balance of school and home.  What it takes to be the teacher, interventionist, pd planner, social worker, food provider, mental health professional at school and then the parent, homework helper, spouse, chauffer, cleaning professional as well as many more duties, can weight anyone down. Our teachers right now are the customers in school.  At any moment, one of my staff could get to their breaking point and walk away, into another profession, with not nearly the stress and probably more pay.  It's imperative that I "always make it right" for my teachers.

As a leader, I am always looking for ideas on how to fill my staffs' cup with love.  I read blogs, troll Twitter feeds and listen to podcasts weekly.  Here are a few ways I try to celebrate my staff to help them find their balance, feel their importance, and be the best teacher they can for our kids. 

There are several ways to do this throughout the school year and I want to share a few that have been impactful with my staff.  

1. Gift of Time- every holiday season, right before mid-year data is due and winter recess begins, I provide the gift of time.  Our office staff typically makes a huge breakfast for the staff.  I schedule 2 hours of duty free time for teachers to do whatever they need to do before winter recess. During this time, the support staff and myself share a movie with popcorn for our students. With Covid it will look different this year but it will still be a priority.  Just giving them time, which is what I hear constantly, is the biggest show of gratitude I can do and it's free!

2. Shout Outs- we always celebrate our students but it's important to give our teachers the accolades they deserve as well.  These look different every year.  On social media, I share their picture and an opportunity for our stakeholders to give them love.  There are hand written notes, staff shout outs that are shared over the announcements, and follow up messages home.  Telling a spouse, sister/brother, mom/dad of your staff how appreciative you are to have them on your staff goes a long way!  

 

3. Random Acts of Kindness- as  a leader, I have the ability to walk in and take over whenever it's needed.  Some things you can do as a building leader; cover a recess duty, send your teachers out to lunch and cover the extra time for them to actually eat, walk them to/from recess for an early restroom break, check in and listen to what they need in that moment and then fulfill it, ask for supply lists and use your own admin money for your teachers, bring in coffee/donuts for no reason, call a local food truck to set up in your parking lot. or just teach a lesson.  So many ideas to show gratitude throughout the year with RAK but the national RAK day is Nov. 13th so find resources here.

4. Hide and Seek- throughout the year, I hide things with donations in them for our teachers.  For example, at the beginning of PD a few weeks ago, I had a $25 restaurant gift card.  I hid it in the school and started the meeting with, "you have 5 minutes to find a gift card," and the crowd runs out.  The laughs and search are a great reset after a long day and someone walks away with free dinner!  Before spring break, I always hide eggs with notes in them.  These are mostly free items that our teachers cash in when they want. Some examples are; free jean coupons, recess coverage, Door Dash lunch, lunch out on the principal, lunch with a friend, tardy pass, etc.. One of my favorites is, "Not Today, Phillips." an out for my teachers to have a different day for observations.  I borrowed that one from another colleague and offered it in the past but am brining it back this year. I have an amazing PTO that provides anything I need to support teachers.  They have given gift certificates to give away as well as donations.  This helps keep my personal spending down but it does become expensive if you put monetary things in the eggs. Keep it simple and simply offer your time.  

5.  The Snack Cart- one of my teachers' favorites.  It's not just about the cart of snacks but the process in which we interrupt their class to give them a shout out.  I'll never forget the first class I walked into and blew the whistle.  Everyone looked at me like I was crazy!  I tell the kids it's a time out for the teacher and they have to go out in the hallway. Once there, they see the cart of healthy and not so healthy snacks to choose from.  I cover the class while they enjoy an impromptu break, and the smiles tell all! 

 

6. Mindfulness- we started our year off with yoga as a staff.  Once a month, we have PD on SEBW strategies for our teachers.  We link it to our students but more importantly this is time to provide them strategies for their own mental health.  We have gone to a yoga studio for restorative yoga and that was one of the most connected times I've seen from my staff.  It is true when we say Maslow before Bloom, for our staff too! We had a make-it-take-it essential oil station and also provided strategies they can use in their classroom from Dr. Desautels.  Instead of a traditional book study, I published a book reflection via podcast for my teachers to listen to instead of reading every week.  They have the book but they also can listen to leaders reflect and make connections to Connections Over Compliance. Book reflection can be accessed here.  Through the Stamm Koechlein Family Foundation grant, I was able to provide my staff with these essential tools to promote and incorporate SEBW.

 

7. American Education Week- the time to celebrate all your staff.  We have done several things to celebrate our staff but we make sure to celebrate EVERYONE.  Our PTO supplies food throughout the week, massages, and other "gifts" as a tangible thank you.  This year, AEW is Nov. 15th-19th and a great time to celebrate your entire staff. Make sure to use social media to show your gratitude for every person that touches the lives of your students.

   

8. March Madness- just jump in to the basketball season and enjoy March Madness with themed events when the tournament begins.  We had craziest fan day and this climate booster, right before spring break, was a good touch to relieve stress and provide thanks to our staff.  Plus we had donated Amazon gift cards to stock teacher classrooms with supplies.  

                 

9.  Regulate before you hit send- as a leader, you are constantly ensuring your staff is following protocol and keeping them accountable for so many things.  The one thing I promised myself, at the beginning of this leadership journey, is to stay true to my self.  As leaders, we can become consumed by outside influences.  We are problem solvers from the time we walk in the door and there is never a day that goes as planned on your calendar.  Your flexibility is a perfect chance to show gratitude with your emotions.  I have experienced leaders that wear their emotions on their face and allow the climate to shift depending on their mood.  It's this influence that you can control in your building. Your reaction to any circumstance determines the outcome or tone of your building.  Leading with love has not always been a popular talking point but one I am proud to say is true.  The best way to show gratitude is to treat everyone you talk to with respect and listen to understand, not respond.  The simple task of regulating before having a conversation has been proven to build trust and respect.  Difficult conversations can happen out of love and not authority.  

10. Just Love- my motto!  As the leader, it is your responsibility to know your staff and their stories.  Love is a powerful tool, that if done consistently, reaps rewards much greater than any paycheck or degree.  I can tell you the story of almost all 360 students in my building.  Knowing these stories as well as my teachers' stories, helps build class lists and a climate of peace.  As a leader, model this by sharing your story.  Transparency is very much appreciated by staff and opens the communication line as well.  

It took my dad's cancer journey to instill the gift of the moment.  That is all we have, the moment we are living.  This month, try to stay in the moment and express your gratitude for the moment and the people that fill your moments.  I hope some of these strategies spark more ideas to be shared.  What are you doing as a building leader to show an attitude of gratitude?  I'd love to hear your ideas and put them to use!  Connect with me on Twitter to share your ideas!  

Just Love,

Kirsten
@kear734